Last Fall Read online

  “Well we can’t miss the cake,” Erik chuckled, holding out his hand so that I could go down the porch steps first.

  “Thanks.”

  He cleared his throat. “Other than becoming highly paid and famous, how was your week?”

  I kind of tripped down the steps, giving Erik prime opportunity to steady me.

  Putting his hands on me.

  Yep, I sizzled and zinged in all the right places. Even though I’d studied the biology and chemistry of attraction it was still bizarre to experience those physical reactions for myself. A touch that lit my skin on fire, made my nervous system stand at attention, told my brain to want more of these things?

  Amazing and terrifying all at the same time.

  “This week has been pretty quiet actually. My friends all knew weeks ago. I mean, everyone was excited to see the official announcement, but I kind of hid in my room and wrote.”

  He frowned. “You should celebrate more. Especially something like this.”

  Celebrate? That thing where people put all their attention on you? No thank you. “We’re celebrating right now.”

  “And it’s wonderful, but it’s not for you.”

  “Exactly the way I like it.”

  “It doesn’t have to be about attention,” he said. “It could just be fun. A way to take a moment and acknowledge that you’ve done something monumental. Moments like that should be celebrated at least a little bit.”

  I had to admit his way sounded much less intimidating. “What did you do?”

  He glanced down at me as he opened the gate and held it for me to pass through ahead of him. “What did I do when?”

  “When you realized you were going to play Major League Baseball.”

  “Oh.” His eyes softened. “I took my family out to the biggest, most expensive dinner they’d ever eaten. And then we got ice cream.”

  That surprised me. “No fancy cars or nights out with the guys?”

  “Couldn’t afford a fancy car,” he said, shutting the door. “I felt bad enough spending that much on dinner. I was brought up from the minors to replace Johnson. I honestly didn’t think I’d stay after he came back. It was a dream come true to play at that level for any amount of time.”

  Smart. Humble. Frugal. All things I’d heard about him before but somehow didn’t expect to confirm in real life. “What about when they offered you a contract?”

  His gaze darted across the lawn to his agent, Marie Hamilton. “All that money was already spent in my mind. We went out to another big family dinner.”

  Already spent millions of dollars? I’d find it hard to believe if I wasn’t doing the exact same thing. My book deal money was all invested and divided out safely. I hadn’t spent a dime of my movie deal money. I had some very smart people handling my finances and while everyone kept assuring me it was really mine and I could, say, buy a new car, I hadn’t made a move.

  “Family sounds important to you,” I said.

  “It’s everything.” He pulled me to a stop outside of the crowd. “About last week.”

  “Please don’t.”

  He blinked at me in surprise. “Don’t what?”

  “I just want to enjoy the party.”

  He moved in front of me, lowering his voice. There was a pretty intense amount of worry in his eyes, too. “And I ruin that for you?”

  “Yes. No.” Wow, I was tongue-tied again. Why did this man caring about my wellbeing have such a dramatic effect on me?

  Even worse? He waited patiently for me to pull it together and reply in a way that made sense.

  “You aren’t ruining anything. I just don’t want to talk about last week.”

  “I was only going to tell you nothing had changed. I meant every word I said. When you’re ready, I’m here.”

  My heart skipped because holy wow. The amount of sincerity in those dark eyes just about killed me where I stood. “What if I’m never ready?”

  He grinned and that dimple of his made my stomach do a backflip of Olympic proportions. “Then I guess I better get used to nursing a broken heart.” Then he rubbed his hand over his chest and nodded toward the out-of-tune singing we were missing.

  Max stood on a stool behind her unicorn cake with a megawatt smile. Her parents stood on either side while June and Roman each manned a camera.

  “Happy birthday to you . . . ” The crowd sang. Kids added the “cha-cha-cha.” Max almost bounced off her stool she was so happy.

  The entire scene made my heart want to explode with happiness. These people weren’t my blood but they sure as heck were my family. “Family by choice,” Eve had said once. I learned a lot about putting demons in the past and building my own life from the Spencers but it was still a work in progress for me. It was always nice to see them at times like this—surrounded by so much love—because it reminded me that one day I’d eventually get there too.

  The crowd included a mishmash of people. The entire Daniels family was here, even the one’s from out of state. Jake’s cousin and his wife had stopped by, several of their friends from work, which meant a concoction of engineers and people who worked with the team, plus the parents of the kids. Many I knew well, a few I only knew in passing. The thing that struck me was how well everyone always got along. You’d think ballplayers in particular would be divas, or at least not very good at hanging out in family environments, but I was wrong about that. Several of the players were dads themselves and a few, like Erik, were just laid-back guys who always seemed to enjoy the mix of people.

  Standing so close to Erik I couldn’t help but wonder if I could ever let him be the guy I built something like this with one day. Was he worth the heartache of dating again for the first time since . . .

  “Zoe! There you are. I’ve barely seen you today.” Carrie jammed herself into my comfort zone, all while throwing Erik some serious side-eye. “Wes is acting weird and I need a break.”

  She hooked her elbow through mine, standing beside me as we watched the hilarity that was kids eating cake. Max was covered in purple frosting. Hands, cheeks, it dripped off her chin and back onto the plate.

  “It’s a good thing there’s a hose and pool.”

  “And the funny thing is they’ll probably love the cleanup process,” Carrie said, shaking her head. “If you tried to hose me down I’d probably scream.”

  “It’s a good thing you don’t eat cake like a cavewoman, then,” Erik chided.

  Carrie narrowed her eyes and she looked over my shoulder at Erik and I had to wonder what was going through her mind. She had her don’t mess with me face on. “Good game today, Bear.”

  “You were there?” He bounced on the balls of his feet.

  “Always. I never miss a home game.”

  “No wonder Wes was out of there like a rocket today.”

  She grinned and I really didn’t want to know what she and Wes did between the stadium and the party. “He said you were in rare Papa Bear form in the locker room today. What’s got you so riled up, Cassidy?”

  Erik’s entire mood shifted, the temperature around him dropping. “Just watching out for the people I care about.”

  “Mmmhmmm. Why don’t you go get us cake?” Carrie waved her hands at him, waiting until he was out of earshot before she leaned into me and whispered, “You. He was caring and Papa Bearing about you, Zoe.”

  Every muscle in my body locked into place as my heart started pounding harder. “Excuse me?”

  “Erik. You.” She pulled me toward the shade of a tree where we could talk privately. “According to Wes he was all protective of you. It made Wes really happy, not that he’ll let Erik know that any time soon. Anyway, I just thought you should know he’s really interested in you and Wes thinks it’s serious.”

  Serious.

  How had a frantic kiss in a parking lot turned my imaginary crush into something so . . . so . . . real?

  “God, Zoe. He’s liked you forever. Is it mutual? I can never tell how you feel so I’m genuinely asking. Because
Erik’s not the kind of guy you just date. He’s the kind of guy you marry. So if you’re not into him, let him know now.”

  The kind of guy you marry.

  Way to freak me out. I was just barely okay with acknowledging I had both sexual and emotional feelings for the guy, and here my friends were jumping us right to the permanent stuff. Maybe it was because they both got married so fast that they were able to talk about it like it was no big deal.

  But any kind of a relationship was a big deal to me.

  “Can we stop talking about this?”

  “No,” she said bluntly. “But I will stop saying that word that so clearly scares you. Sorry about that.”

  I shuddered but not because I had anything against getting married. I loved the idea, just not for me. “You like Erik?”

  I genuinely wanted her opinion. Carrie was a unique person. She was outgoing and smart, she was blunt and honest, and she was the most loyal person I knew. “I do,” she said slowly. “He’s too quiet for my taste but he loves his team and made Wes feel welcome before he was ever traded. He’s every bit of his nickname.”

  Bear. June’s description jumped back to my mind. “Tell me about that. June said he’s grizzly sometimes.”

  Carrie’s eyes glittered. “Are you sure you want my opinion on that?”

  I had no idea what that meant, but knowing Carrie I was going to pay dearly for this information. “Yes?”

  “It’s not a bad thing. He’s . . . protective like a bear. Hurt him, hurt anyone he cares about, and you’re going to get it. It’s a good thing.”

  I would have thought that was the end of her explanation if it weren’t for the smile that she kept forcing off her lips.

  “What?”

  She finally stopped fighting it, letting her whole face light up. “I am willing to bet you a million dollars that it means he’s a bear in the bedroom too. You know, a gentleman in the street and freak in the bed? That’s him. I just know it.” Then she leaned closer and whispered. “He could be a lot of fun, Zoe.”

  My heart hammered in my chest just thinking about Erik naked. “You just said he was the kind of guy you marry, not the kind of guy you bang.”

  She shrugged. “You can seriously bang a guy. Damn, girl. Just because he’s the kind of guy you marry doesn’t have to mean you’re ready for marriage before the first date. It’s a personality I was warning you about, not a destination.” Then she placed a reassuring hand on my arm. “I know it’s been a long time. Take it easy on yourself, okay? And talk to me about anything.”

  She got all of that out just before Wes arrived with one plate of cake. “Here you go, babe. Erik said you were looking for a slice.”

  “A slice of you.” She took the plate and kissed her husband.

  “You can have a slice of me anytime you want.” He grabbed her rear.

  I had no choice but to look away. It was either that or gagging.

  That was when Erik snuck up on the other side of the tree and stole me away from the party. I mean it. He grabbed my hand, put his finger to his lips in the universal sign of shhhh, and pulled me away from the crowd to a quiet outdoor sitting area on the side of the house.

  Vines crept up a trellis along the fence and colorful hibiscus bushes surrounded the luxurious lawn furniture. A large rectangular umbrella covered everything in shade.

  How Jake and Eve kept all of this in such nice condition from the weather, humidity, and bugs, I had no idea, but I loved it.

  “What’s this?”

  Two plates of chocolate cake sat on the table.

  “Cake,” he said with one his cheek-dimpling grins.

  “I see that.” The hair on my arm rose and my skin tingled with awareness. Awareness of how close and alone we were. “But we could have easily had cake with everyone else.”

  “We could, but that would have been birthday cake. This is congratulations cake. I tried to do this last week but you had to leave unexpectedly and I was forced to eat the cake all alone.”

  Oh. Oh . . .

  “I understand, Zoe. I don’t like being in the spotlight either.”

  The man whose face was on my television every morning? I highly doubted that. “You’re everywhere,” I whispered more to myself than as an actual answer.

  “And I hate it.” He leaned on the back of the chair, his arms flexing. “I never feel like I can be myself in public.” He glanced back at the party with a half shrug. “It’s part of the reason I enjoy these parties. I’m just Uncle Erik. I can hide behind a table and throw water balloons.” Then he glanced at me in this way that made me feel like he was confiding in me. “The people who think of me as a celebrity want me to act that way. They only want to be around me because they get attention and they think it will be fun and exciting. But really? I’d rather eat cake in a backyard at a unicorn party.”

  He didn’t move. He waited. Watched.

  Hoped? Yeah, I think he was hoping I’d understand.

  “Why?”

  “Why do I like cake? Because it’s delicious.” More watching. More waiting.

  “No,” I breathed out the word as my heart started pounding harder and harder. Like this little conversation was somehow explaining the universe to me. As if it were the most important conversation I’d ever have. I felt the weight of it tumbling down on me, forcing me stay and have it even though all I wanted to do was run back across the yard and into my bed where it was safe. “Why do you like backyard parties and family dinner? Why do you like being Uncle Erik? Why . . . do you keep coming here?”

  It wasn’t just for me. Even in my wildest Erik fantasies where he took on Knight in Shining Armor storylines of epic love and heroics, he wasn’t here just for me. Even my subconscious knew that.

  His face pulled taut and his eyes pinched at the corners. “Am I really that different from the other guys? I know I’m quieter. More serious. But I’d think those qualities would make more sense, not less.”

  He was hurt. Or maybe hurt was the wrong word. Offended? No, not that either. Upset. Definitely upset. “You remind me of Roman.”

  “Not Wes? I guess I should take that as a compliment.” He smiled and stood up, shoving his hands into his pockets in a nervous way. “You don’t bat an eye at Roman enjoying backyard parties.”

  True. But Roman was just . . . Roman. I never really thought of him as the former ballplayer he was or the baseball royalty that pumped through his veins. “He has to be here. You don’t.”

  “Exactly.”

  What did that mean? “Erik I’m . . . confused.”

  He closed his eyes and sighed. “I suck at this. I’m sorry. I’m not great with words like you are.” Then he threw back his shoulders and opened his eyes, zeroing in on me. “Why do I like these parties? Because it’s family time and I miss my family. Why do I like being Uncle Erik? Because I’ve always taken care of my family and other than baseball it’s the only thing I know how to do, so when I come here and I make these kids laugh, it makes me feel like I’ve done something worthwhile. Why do I keep coming here?” He paused, shrugging his shoulders and shaking his head like this, of all the things he’d said, was the hardest. “I keep coming because it’s the only time I get to see you.”

  “Erik.” His name rushed out of my mouth as I sighed in sweet satisfaction. I wrote stuff like this, I didn’t live it. And holy wow was living it wonderful.

  “You don’t come down anymore. I used to see you sometimes when you’d drop the girls off with Eve. You’d bring them to fan events and I’d get to see you there, too. You don’t do any of that anymore and I’m so damn proud of you, but I miss seeing you.”

  I dropped into the empty chair, staring up at him. Who was this man? He certainly wasn’t the guy I worried he’d be. He wasn’t the fantasy either. And sometime since I kissed him I stopped being too nervous to talk to him. “But you don’t really know me.”

  He pulled back the other chair and sat across from me looking all eager and hopeful. “That hasn’t stopped me from
wanting to get to know you, Zoe. Look, I’ve dated other women, I’ve tried ignoring you, but I keep coming back to one thing.”

  I swallowed down the giant lump that had formed in my throat sometime after I stopped breathing. “What’s that?”

  “That I can’t stop thinking about you.” He searched my eyes and for the life of me I couldn’t get over how steady and light they seemed even in the middle of a conversation with monumental emotions. “And that kiss . . . ” he shook his head, “that kiss we shared was everything I hoped it would be.”

  Shared.

  That word. That one little word was so important to me. So many other words could be used to describe kissing. Give. Take. Need. Hot. Sexy. More.

  But he chose shared. And followed it with hoped. Words meant more to me than the normal person, I knew that, but they were an overlooked clue into who people were. The vocabulary they unconsciously chose was a window into their inner thoughts. It told me how they viewed the world and themselves in it.

  It told me that Erik didn’t see my kiss as an act that happened to him. It told me that it was something he waited and hoped for—patiently—to share with me.

  Maybe the male dating pool wasn’t made up of turds after all. Maybe, just maybe, there were one or two decent guys left.

  And maybe I was looking at one of them.

  That sent another rush through me. A thrill of excitement. “I still can’t believe I kissed you like that.”

  His eyes twinkled. “It was a dream come true.”

  There was a softness to Erik, vulnerability that bordered on shy. He tried so hard to be polite. His words finally started to sink past my fear. Family. Worthwhile. Take care of . . . Maybe doing something for himself was actually as foreign to him as dating was to me.

  “Thank you for my congratulations cake.” It was nice having someone understand me.

  He nodded toward my plate. “We should eat it.” He grabbed his fork and cut a slice, holding it up like a cocktail. “To your amazing success.”